A few weeks ago I just got a
wedding invitation from my high school friend. And then last week I got news
that my junior high school friend just got a baby. It’s like everyone has their
own fairy tale happy ending in their life. Me? I’m just contemplating my life,
should I watch Fantastic Beast or doing chores because my dorm really needs a
deep clean. Actually I got a little ‘shaky’ feels when I heard the news. I
really happy for them, finally find the soul mate, a baby in the age before 28
or 30ish. But, have you ever wonder what it feels like your life without all of
those in the age 30, and could you be happy living your life?
Me, I don’t know. I mean, I kinda
enjoy my life. I always become a third wheel whenever I hang out with my
friends. I don’t mind at all (as long as they not being cheesy and tacky
romantic in front of me). But in the term of love, am I believer or cynical?
Neither of those. I do believe in love is pure, love is kind, love is
relentless, love is bla bla bla (that wedding vows you always heard and then
you got tears on your cheek, no matter how hard you try to hold it). It sounds
naïve and innocent and quite different in reality nowadays. But if I got
treated by my lover badly, i will remember that wedding-vows, I deserved
someone better, and then I move on. A sound cruel and brutal isn’t it?
In this city full with fake
glittery night and everyone having a high ignorance to other and full with the
social climber the idea of love becomes buried under by the cruel reality. I
once ask my sister (married, one daughter and questionable happy marriage life)
what is love and I remember what my sister said to me, “two person working out
something together”. Quite simple, right? And how she handles it? Still
struggling. What about me? I’m not ready, I still have my shit to get done,
even if I finished all of my shit and stand on my own feet, I wanna go run, I
wanna take a really long run. I wanna feel the wind on my face, spread my arms
and then screams out loud, like a little bird excited taking their first lesson
to fly and shitting peoples head. But before that I need to finished my chores
for today, yup.
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